In 1993, when I was just starting my court reporting agency in the Monadnock Building in Chicago, I became friends with a client whose law firm was in my building. At that time, his firm was fairly new as well. Over the years, I have had a few different addresses, but he has remained in the same suite, occasionally expanding it. In addition to seeing him at depositions, I like to go back and visit from time to time because he is my connection to the good ole days.
On my annual visit this past Thursday, we caught up on each other’s lives, relaxing at the
huge round table in his office. And he shared a story with me about an associate that had been with him for a while, a young guy that I always enjoyed working with. As my old friend told the story of the associate’s new career path, my jaw dropped as I listened to a story so compelling that it sounded more like urban folklore, except that it was told to me by someone I know and trust. What, you ask, was this jaw-dropping nonfiction? It seems this young man received an early parole notice, marrying his long-time/long-distance girlfriend and relocating to Texas, where he writes and performs Acoustic/Folk Rock/Rock. “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously,” he said.
As we wrapped up our conversation and I was leaving, the news of the young associate’s good fortune still dancing around in my brain, my friend handed me a piece of paper containing the story of another lawyer who had also recently received his parole papers, only this guy, it seems, had served his full sentence. . .
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SIDLEY AUSTIN — DEPARTURE MEMO OF PARTNER DAVID JOHNSON
I have realized that I cannot simultaneously meet the demands of career and family. Without criticizing those who have chosen lucre over progeny, let me just say that I am leaving the practice of law.
My epiphany may have come a bit late as my youngest child — I believe his name is Erik — is 24. But as I always said after missing a filing deadline, better late than never.
I have made friendships at Sidley that I will treasure well into the first quarter of 2012. But a career based on the perception of untapped potential, rather than on actual production, has a limited shelf life. I frankly would have expected management to have caught on years ago. I trust that my longevity will serve as a beacon of hope for underperforming lawyers of all ages. No need to name names: you know who you are.
Farewell and best wishes,
David
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Of course, I thought it was a hoax. Two parole stories in one day? C’est impossible! So I went back to my office and Googled the story to see if I could confirm it. And there it was, confirmed by my most respected source about all things wild in the legal industry, Abovethelaw.com! Click below if you’re feeling as skeptical as I felt!
http://abovethelaw.com/2012/01/a-farewell-to-remember-one-partners-dramatic-departure-memo/3/
Overwhelmed with a variety of emotions (disbelief, jealousy, joy for a complete stranger, fear of never being paroled myself), I decided the best course to take was to wish this man well — this man, a beacon of hope, a bright, shining light at the end of a dark tunnel, the current envy of the Chicago legal industry — and I sent an email to his work account that I’m sure will go unread, since his departure date has come and gone.
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RE: Congratulations on your parole!
I heard the parole board approved your conditional release. It’s my understanding that these are the conditions of your parole:
- Press release stating you have been located and to remove the picture of you that
your family placed on milk cartons years ago begging for your safe return; - Hire a family blending specialist to seamlessly re-integrate you into your family unit;
- Toss your Blackberry in the Chicago River from the LaSalle Street bridge;
- Take frequent vacations, walks, naps, bike rides, movies, sporting events, visits to the bathroom, all without interruption;
- Adhere to a mandatory eight-hour sleep schedule nightly;
- Enjoy a daily round of darts using a picture of the most horrible opposing counsel from your career, until his picture is no longer recognizable;
- Send flowers to your legal assistant once a month so she knows you really did make it safely to the other side of the wall;
- Start a blog about what you do in your spare time. . .with pictures. . .to make everyone jealous;
- Spend 20 minutes a day doing something completely frivolous – COMPLETELY FRIVILOUS;
- Spend a few minutes every day reveling in the full satisfaction that everyone else is still suckin’ it in every facet of the Chicago legal industry.
Once you have the hang of this routine and are able to correctly identify each family member (including the dog) and they you, as well as being able to recite their correct birth day and year, you will have met the conditions of your parole, which will be followed by a full pardon, exonerating you for spending so much time in the legal industry!
Bon voyage! Don’t forget to write! (Get it? Don’t forget to write ?)
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So Luke is writing songs and David is writing books. Come on, dream big. What would you do with your time if you were paroled?
Warm wishes to David Johnson on his retirement. Live the dream, man!
What would I do if I were paroled? I’d volunteer to start a journey to promote the enforcement of and necessity for anti-contracting laws as they relate to the court reporting profession in order that the U.S. court system could regain some of its integrity in the eyes of its citizen / consumers. Oh, wait … I’ve already done that. Dang, have I been paroled?